Imploding

I fell asleep writing this post last night , iPad still in hand.I read through it this morning and almost deleted it, ( for how glum it sounded) but No! Its how I feel, how I felt last night and , I’m sure, how I will feel for a while yet, this blog of mine is nothing if not honest ! …This might sound odd,
After everything we’ve been through for so long, and getting the fantastic news that Ollie will be going to the asd unit I wanted for him, I just couldn’t find any happy today.
I am happy, I cried with happiness for hours yesterday, but today I just felt
Like my emotions were imploding, crashing down on me.
I had to keep busy all day because my feelings were suffocating me , if I’d had any time to myself I may have sat and cried, I didn’t, I couldn’t.
I feel like months and months of emotions are coming at me, full force.
I feel Ive won a battle, but its left me battered and bruised, stronger, yet exhausted.
I am happy, I really am, but right now I’d like to lay down and cry, to sleep, to recover ,to feel the pain that I kept pushed aside whilst I was being stronger than I ever knew I could be. Life keeps going though, life doesn’t stop to give you time to recover from what it lays at your feet.

calm on the outside, imploding on the inside

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