I had high hopes for today, I guess thats where I went wrong.
After much complaining and refusing to get ready we somehow left these house on time…great start, and thats about when the wheels fell off.
We texted the bus stop to see how long we would have to wait, 7 minutes for the bus which only goes half way, needing us to change , 8 for the direct bus, not terribly long but apparently too long I had to physically hold him to keep him from walking home, then the buses came one behind the other, and for some reason he insisted on getting the not direct bus, I didn’t mind too much, we were on the bus, but then 4 stops later when we had to change the other bus had overtaken. I knew we would have to run a bit from one to the other.
That didn’t happen, he refused to run, apparently I was just making him do it to be mean.
So he shouted at me at the bus stop…and on the bus when it finally came.
Then I made the mistake of telling him we were at our stop when obviously he already knew .
We walked into the school and once again he was greeted by the cheery receptionist, “hello again ” to which he replied “no” which actually sounded more like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
We were walked to cherry tree class and met by Ollies lead teacher, she opened the classroom door and that was when I saw Ollie already halfway down the corridor running away, he’s a runner, he does this, in his last school he would run the corridors and could hide for hours, I knew I couldn’t let that happen, in a school he doesn’t even know, I caught him and I’m ashamed to say i dragged him to cherry tree class, I had to get him in the door even just for a short time, but I desperately don’t want to let him have any bad experiences at the school , i spent twenty minutes with him in the corridor bargaining, restraining him from running ( which I absolutely HATE doing) and then we came to an agreement, five minutes, he had to hold my phone to make sure, to look at the chickens.
We looked at the chickens and then I got him to agree to have a look at the outdoor play area so we had a look around , there were small moments where he was interested, he forgot himself, he hula hooped and showed his teacher how, he sat in a kind of rolling seat thing and we had a tour of the school ( which is lovely) he told his teacher his favourite things, maths science and history , but he wouldn’t go into the actual classroom, and his body language and extreme ticing were screaming clues that he was terrified , we only stayed for twenty minutes all together, not the planned hour, because of that now we are only having two brief visits next week and they say they suspect it will take months to settle him..
At the bus stop on the way home the frustration of the whole thing manifested itself in LOTS OF SHOUTING, punching the bus stop, calling me stupid , threatening to run , which got us lots of horrid stares and tuts.
The thing I found hardest today is that when Ollie is anxious he becomes very hostile towards me, so I don’t know how to help calm him , he wont allow me to look at him, speak to him or even put a hand on his shoulder for reassurance .
I thought I understood Ollie well but today has blown that out of the water.
The bus journeys are harder than i thought, i cant plan bus times because , well, london transport, i cant plan for how busy the bus will be, Ollie is visibly stressed on the bus and wont allow me to calm him .
Then in the school he again gets hostile towards me , his fight or flight instinct takes over , he wants to run, today I’m really not sure if I did the right thing restraining him, should I have removed him from the school at the first sign of distress. I didn’t because I know that with Ollie if he doesn’t do it when he is supposed to ,he never will , he doesn’t warm up to things , he just either will or wont , i had to get him in the classroom , i did so physically , again I’m questioning that but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want him to have any negative associations with this school and now I’ve already restrained him and physically moved him.
The whole thing feels like a failiure to me so far.
I don’t know what I can do to make this all easier, I think the school either hadn’t read his statement fully and been fully prepared or that hes more complex than he’s believed to be .
Im lost I’m stuck i don’t know how to do this !