The one with all the tantrums. #autism

Its 11:45pm as i start writing this, Ollie and I came up to bed at 9:30 but as usual bedtime was dreadful.
Bedtime with Ollie always goes one of two ways.
He sleeps in my bed, after the usual routine of hundreds of questions before going to sleep, this can take hours. Its usually midnight before he settles (even with his melatonin) its exhausting trying to answer all his questions, I try to explain that its just not the time for all these questions, that he could ask them during the day and we could google the answers together, but still every night, the questions. I love his curiosity, I applaud his hunger for knowledge, just not in bed every single night
Or…I tell him he has to sleep on his bed (which is less than 3ft away from my bed) this is followed by crying, screaming, shouting, full blown rage, begging, more crying and only ends when I let him come in my bed.
Every night Ollie tells me that if I loved him I would let him feel safe in my bed. I do love him, I love that kid completely, totally, and utterly.
But I cant keep doing this.
He needs to start sleeping in his bed, I have a single bed, I also have Arthritis, I have constant chronic pain and I really need to be able to sleep comfortably at night, not holding on to the edge of the bed.
Also he is nine he’s just too big to keep sleeping in my bed. Ollie tells me this is ridiculous because obviously he’s going to stop sleeping in my bed soon.
When is soon? How is he obviously going to stop?
He’s gotten all the way to nine without being able to sleep on his own, that wont change overnight.
Im not abandoning him, I told him I will lay in his bed while he falls asleep until he’s getting used to his own bed but that isn’t enough.
I hate being angry with Ollie and I really don’t get angry with him often. I make allowances because of autism, I understand his meltdowns and moods but I cant help getting cross at bedtime when I haven’t stopped all day and he wont even try to sleep in his own bed.
When I just want to relax and read a little and instead I have to deal with the mother of all meltdowns every night.
I already make allowances, because he wont settle until I go to bed (I gave up trying that when he was 7 after 7 years of screaming rage every night when I tried to go downstairs.
Now Ollie stays up until I go to bed, meaning I have to always be up in bed by ten, and I get absolutely Zero time to relax alone at the end of the day.I also put Ollies bed in my room so he was near me. (i have the smallest bedroom).

I have 11 days to start getting a bedtime routine in place, before Ollie starts his new school. I cant afford to have him tired in the mornings as mornings are very difficult with Ollie on school days. And if he’s tired we will have all the rage every morning.

I have absolutely no idea how to deal with this.

I just want some sleep, in my bed, alone, without 3 hours of tantrums first, its bad enough that the dog sleeps on my pillow

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